Hours slept last night: 5 + 3(ish)
General feeling: I've seen half of the stories the world has to offer.
Another thing I don't like is waking up in the middle of night and not being able to fall back to sleep. It's frustrating, unless I'm sleeping with someone. So yes, last night I woke up around 3h and was wide awake. Not even a hint of drowsiness was there. Eventually I went back, but *sigh* not properly.
The Dreams continue to appear. But these latest ones from last night weren't that coherent. It was like watching a pitcher reel, with many changes still to come.
Friday, September 30, 2011
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Of melatonin and dreaming
Hours slept last night: almost 9,5
General feeling: I want to sleep even more!
One interesting phenomenon I've (probably) mentioned before, is that since I began to experiment with melatonin, my dreaming quality has improved along with sleeping. First I thought it as a bad thing, because I've understood from all the different sleep research papers I've occasionally read, that if you dream a lot, you don't really get any rest. On the other hand, some people just remember their dreams better than others. I've usually leant on the first theory, because I've dreamed a lot since I was a child, but the most refreshing nights hardly ever include any dreaming. The highish amount of dreaming in my life has probably contributed to the alien feeling I've had since being a teenager and most of my adult age. It's very similar to the feeling they described in Matrix in 1999 or last year in Inception. You feel like you've done a lot, but the morning and the day that follows feels strange and incomplete.
This long explanation connects to my use of melatonin, because once I switched to it and refused to try any more any other drugs (not that there were THAT many, I'm just really bad in taking any kind of drugs), my Dreams came back. The capital D is there because the past 3 to 4 years (that's really an estimate, it's been a blur) proper dreams, with long narratives and sometimes continuing from one night to another, have been scarce. My life has been dominated with the thought of not-getting-enough-sleep, not being able to fall asleep, waking up in the middle of the night, waking up too early in the morning, getting by with 4 hour sleep nights for long periods of time. I remember that the first time I went to see a doctor about it, I was only able to cry. When he told me to go home and sleep (it was Monday afternoon), I did go home, but didn't fall sleep before nightfall. I remember lying in my bed, thinking: this is it, this is how madness begins.
I'm glad it didn't. But first with the drug I tried back then, I wasn't able to dream either. At all. My sleep was deep, almost too much, but I didn't experience any stories. It was like losing another world, again (first time being when the insomniac symptoms began). The first narrative dream I remember from my childhood was partly nightmare, but it did continue from one night to another and as I crew older, I learned to control it, and actually dreamed a happy ending for the whole thing. So I know it's possible and even if today I have nightmares, I know there's help close by, because I'm there myself.
So now those stories are back. They were given back to me. Or maybe they have been there all the time, but it's melatonin, the natural drug of my body, that rises them to my consciousness and makes me remember them. The past two nights I've taken melatonin, and last night I had one of the best rides of my life. I won't get into details, but it was an agent dream, the best and most real ones always are. It's funny that my subconscious has chosen the genre that I'm so critical towards to in real life. It's like I'm trying to construct a perfect agent/action/thriller narrative in my mind by living through different variations. Or maybe it's been about chasing that perfect Sleep all along.
P.S. Thanks Clive for the good company last night. We made a pretty good team, didn't we ? (The series of BMW commercials from the first years of 2000's aren't bad either. This one, Ambush from The Hire series was directed by the late John Frankenheimer.)
General feeling: I want to sleep even more!
One interesting phenomenon I've (probably) mentioned before, is that since I began to experiment with melatonin, my dreaming quality has improved along with sleeping. First I thought it as a bad thing, because I've understood from all the different sleep research papers I've occasionally read, that if you dream a lot, you don't really get any rest. On the other hand, some people just remember their dreams better than others. I've usually leant on the first theory, because I've dreamed a lot since I was a child, but the most refreshing nights hardly ever include any dreaming. The highish amount of dreaming in my life has probably contributed to the alien feeling I've had since being a teenager and most of my adult age. It's very similar to the feeling they described in Matrix in 1999 or last year in Inception. You feel like you've done a lot, but the morning and the day that follows feels strange and incomplete.
This long explanation connects to my use of melatonin, because once I switched to it and refused to try any more any other drugs (not that there were THAT many, I'm just really bad in taking any kind of drugs), my Dreams came back. The capital D is there because the past 3 to 4 years (that's really an estimate, it's been a blur) proper dreams, with long narratives and sometimes continuing from one night to another, have been scarce. My life has been dominated with the thought of not-getting-enough-sleep, not being able to fall asleep, waking up in the middle of the night, waking up too early in the morning, getting by with 4 hour sleep nights for long periods of time. I remember that the first time I went to see a doctor about it, I was only able to cry. When he told me to go home and sleep (it was Monday afternoon), I did go home, but didn't fall sleep before nightfall. I remember lying in my bed, thinking: this is it, this is how madness begins.
I'm glad it didn't. But first with the drug I tried back then, I wasn't able to dream either. At all. My sleep was deep, almost too much, but I didn't experience any stories. It was like losing another world, again (first time being when the insomniac symptoms began). The first narrative dream I remember from my childhood was partly nightmare, but it did continue from one night to another and as I crew older, I learned to control it, and actually dreamed a happy ending for the whole thing. So I know it's possible and even if today I have nightmares, I know there's help close by, because I'm there myself.
So now those stories are back. They were given back to me. Or maybe they have been there all the time, but it's melatonin, the natural drug of my body, that rises them to my consciousness and makes me remember them. The past two nights I've taken melatonin, and last night I had one of the best rides of my life. I won't get into details, but it was an agent dream, the best and most real ones always are. It's funny that my subconscious has chosen the genre that I'm so critical towards to in real life. It's like I'm trying to construct a perfect agent/action/thriller narrative in my mind by living through different variations. Or maybe it's been about chasing that perfect Sleep all along.
P.S. Thanks Clive for the good company last night. We made a pretty good team, didn't we ? (The series of BMW commercials from the first years of 2000's aren't bad either. This one, Ambush from The Hire series was directed by the late John Frankenheimer.)
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Rhythm is the answer
Hello Wednesday, 28th day of September in year 2011. I can't believe you're here already. When autumn comes and everything is supposed to fall back [pun intended] to its rightful place after hectic summer, but for me a new autumn in Helsinki is never so. The film festival I've talked about a few times in last week's entries is over now, but it does sort of take over the whole of September and parts of August as well. It's not a bad thing, on the contrary. But it does effect my life and sleeping a lot, so aye, there's an excuse.
Hours slept since last Saturday: 7,5 + 4 + 5 + 7,5. No naps. (only) Two films. 4 + 5 glasses of wine, 1 GT, 1 beer. One 4,5 hour DJ gig (shared). From the total time for sleep only last night with its 7,5 hours was even close to proper rest. Otherwise I've been waking up every two hours, nervous about how things are going, how I should be doing certain things and not to do others.
I was off work on Monday (agreed beforehand, mind you), but my hope to get some rest fell into pieces already in the morning. I don't want to admit that I stress about my day job, because I don't. Sure I think about it, but it's not something I keep thinking about it all the time. It's more the balance of everything - or more correctly, the lack of it - that I keep thinking.
Clearly I can see from the text above and past entries that my life needs regularity before I can start thinking about sleeping properly. But how to achieve that if it's not something I really (really) have an urge for. I like the irregular regularity of past years of my life, and the periods like past month when there's no weekly or daily rhythm, are just too much fun. I need to learn to sleep without letting go any of the other stuff.
A tease for your pleasure (and mine):
P.S. The French group Breakbot was the band of my HIFF 2011. Their music or mix was featured in at least two films I saw (Poliss & Drive).
Hours slept since last Saturday: 7,5 + 4 + 5 + 7,5. No naps. (only) Two films. 4 + 5 glasses of wine, 1 GT, 1 beer. One 4,5 hour DJ gig (shared). From the total time for sleep only last night with its 7,5 hours was even close to proper rest. Otherwise I've been waking up every two hours, nervous about how things are going, how I should be doing certain things and not to do others.
I was off work on Monday (agreed beforehand, mind you), but my hope to get some rest fell into pieces already in the morning. I don't want to admit that I stress about my day job, because I don't. Sure I think about it, but it's not something I keep thinking about it all the time. It's more the balance of everything - or more correctly, the lack of it - that I keep thinking.
A tease for your pleasure (and mine):
P.S. The French group Breakbot was the band of my HIFF 2011. Their music or mix was featured in at least two films I saw (Poliss & Drive).
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Writing is the cure
As I noted in FB when posting a link to this blog, it looks like the whole sleeping problem has disappeared after I began to write about it. Well, better keep writing then. Not that my life has been regular enough in past weeks to draw any conclusions.
I was dead tired on Thursday and against all odds I got almost 8 hours of sleep. Hura for that. The Dreams are missing though, which is a bit sad and I don't feel rested enough. But I'm happy that I haven't been waking up in the middle of the night and falling asleep isn't the too-familiar 3 hour process with continuous fallbacks. Plus I haven't taken any melatonin in the past 7 days. That's a good thing. It could be because the nights getting darker in Helsinki.
I had decided early on, that this week Friday - Saturday would be my sleeping night. Saw two films, 20 Cigarettes and Backyard, the latter ending just after 22h. I'm glad that was the order, because the Italian film about the Iraqian war was a bit too much for me after a long week at work. I also have a severe problem with the modern Italian films. I simply can't cope with the technique they're shot. The editing is also too pseudo-smart and old-fashioned. The tight close-ups didn't really help. The story was interesting though, and the director Aurelio Amadei was present as well. I was sort of hoping to see him later in Corona, but I was told he went to bed early. Backyard on the other hand was a perfect choice. A really well made video-shot music documentary made in Reykjavik. I even discovered a new favourite band, FM Belfast.
I was supposed to go home early, but no. There was someone sitting by the counter of Corona and first beer lead to a second one and then another and then GT's showed up and - Complementaries by your friendly neighborhood game of rock-paper-scissors. So, last night the amount of sleep is something between 6 and 6,5 hours. I can feel an afternoon nap lurking behind the corner.
I was dead tired on Thursday and against all odds I got almost 8 hours of sleep. Hura for that. The Dreams are missing though, which is a bit sad and I don't feel rested enough. But I'm happy that I haven't been waking up in the middle of the night and falling asleep isn't the too-familiar 3 hour process with continuous fallbacks. Plus I haven't taken any melatonin in the past 7 days. That's a good thing. It could be because the nights getting darker in Helsinki.
I had decided early on, that this week Friday - Saturday would be my sleeping night. Saw two films, 20 Cigarettes and Backyard, the latter ending just after 22h. I'm glad that was the order, because the Italian film about the Iraqian war was a bit too much for me after a long week at work. I also have a severe problem with the modern Italian films. I simply can't cope with the technique they're shot. The editing is also too pseudo-smart and old-fashioned. The tight close-ups didn't really help. The story was interesting though, and the director Aurelio Amadei was present as well. I was sort of hoping to see him later in Corona, but I was told he went to bed early. Backyard on the other hand was a perfect choice. A really well made video-shot music documentary made in Reykjavik. I even discovered a new favourite band, FM Belfast.
I was supposed to go home early, but no. There was someone sitting by the counter of Corona and first beer lead to a second one and then another and then GT's showed up and - Complementaries by your friendly neighborhood game of rock-paper-scissors. So, last night the amount of sleep is something between 6 and 6,5 hours. I can feel an afternoon nap lurking behind the corner.
Thursday, September 22, 2011
What day is it today?
Hours slept last night: approximately 7,5
General feeling: Like I'm not here.
This is what I forgot to say about the night before the last one and its effects, because today I felt the same as yesterday. I don't know what day it is. I'm not getting anything done at work. I feel like I should be doing something important right now. I'm waiting for a call. I'm waiting for something.
I'm waiting to get a week's worth of sleep.
I haven't really been out this week, only films Tuesday and Wednesday, today I went for light indoor cycling instead. No alcohol (one small glass does not count), no melatonin. I've managed to fall asleep quite well, but I wake up in the middle. Or/and - this is odd - two or three minutes before the alarm goes off. And let me tell you this: the alarm is not set to go off in the same time every morning, but I adjust it just before I go to sleep.
I'm afraid that tonight's exercise keeps me up the whole night. I really hope that I'm completely wrong.
General feeling: Like I'm not here.
This is what I forgot to say about the night before the last one and its effects, because today I felt the same as yesterday. I don't know what day it is. I'm not getting anything done at work. I feel like I should be doing something important right now. I'm waiting for a call. I'm waiting for something.
I'm waiting to get a week's worth of sleep.
I haven't really been out this week, only films Tuesday and Wednesday, today I went for light indoor cycling instead. No alcohol (one small glass does not count), no melatonin. I've managed to fall asleep quite well, but I wake up in the middle. Or/and - this is odd - two or three minutes before the alarm goes off. And let me tell you this: the alarm is not set to go off in the same time every morning, but I adjust it just before I go to sleep.
I'm afraid that tonight's exercise keeps me up the whole night. I really hope that I'm completely wrong.
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
[No title]
Hours slept last night: 6,5.
General feeling the whole day: Please let me crawl back to my warm bed and stay there and drink tea occasionally.
Can you believe it: my flight was cancelled. That's 2nd time this year! Last time it was Mombasa and 24 hour delay [Finns might understand the pun: Mombasaan jäi päivä elämääni], this time Copenhagen and 1 hour delay. The latter made me almost more pissed than the former, since it made me miss the documentary I had almost anticipated most at HIFF by 10 minutes!
When I was finally home 18.40, I made myself a double cafe au lait (still from Tomoca beans, yummy), dressed up nicely (only cigarettes and lipstick missing) and went to see Neds in Kino Engel, which is by far my favourite cinema in Helsinki. And yes, I had to do it: drink a glass of red wine in Cafe Engel before the film. Aaaa.... I'm so easily satisfied.
Surprisingly enough, I fell asleep pretty fast after a brisk walk home and genmaicha.
General feeling the whole day: Please let me crawl back to my warm bed and stay there and drink tea occasionally.
Can you believe it: my flight was cancelled. That's 2nd time this year! Last time it was Mombasa and 24 hour delay [Finns might understand the pun: Mombasaan jäi päivä elämääni], this time Copenhagen and 1 hour delay. The latter made me almost more pissed than the former, since it made me miss the documentary I had almost anticipated most at HIFF by 10 minutes!
When I was finally home 18.40, I made myself a double cafe au lait (still from Tomoca beans, yummy), dressed up nicely (only cigarettes and lipstick missing) and went to see Neds in Kino Engel, which is by far my favourite cinema in Helsinki. And yes, I had to do it: drink a glass of red wine in Cafe Engel before the film. Aaaa.... I'm so easily satisfied.
Surprisingly enough, I fell asleep pretty fast after a brisk walk home and genmaicha.
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
SleepING in Copenhagen
What, Tuesday already! I'm in Copenhagen for a one night I-guess-you-could-call-it-a business trip. Yesterday we sat in a meeting for 5 hours (after both plane and taxi being horribly late). I was able to concentrate, but as soon as I checked in to the hotel, I died on the bed, and was in a coma for an hour before getting up again to go for a social function dinner. "You look like you just woke up", my Swedish collague said. Oh REALLY.
Last Saturday was a good one in so many ways. Except I drank more GT's than I was supposed to. Wasn't home before 4.15 and didn't fall to sleep until 7.00 (yes, some stuff happened in between). Being a good film festival goer I was already watching Roman Gavras' Notre jour viendra at noon. Or to be exact: 12.15. That means I slept some 4 hours in the morning. Oh dear. A friend of mine was in the same seance, which was good. We ate after the film and before the next one, The Borrowers, by studio Ghibli, directed by Hiromasa Yonebayashi.
I'm still surprised I wasn't more tired in the evening and didn't fall asleep almost before midnight just to wake up 6 o'clock on Monday morning. The excitement and confusion resulting from everything that happened on Saturday must be the thing that kept me going both Sunday and yesterday, with the total of 9 hours of sleep. And then again the excitement with this trip and having to struggle with a foreign language (Danish & Swedish mostly). But better have the excitement than to be tired. Last night I fell asleep fast after a hot bath and actually woke up before the alarm (5 minutes still counts as "before"). Amount of sleep: 7,5 hours plus that on hour nap before dinner - let's say the total was something like 8 hours and I feel better about myself.
Last Saturday was a good one in so many ways. Except I drank more GT's than I was supposed to. Wasn't home before 4.15 and didn't fall to sleep until 7.00 (yes, some stuff happened in between). Being a good film festival goer I was already watching Roman Gavras' Notre jour viendra at noon. Or to be exact: 12.15. That means I slept some 4 hours in the morning. Oh dear. A friend of mine was in the same seance, which was good. We ate after the film and before the next one, The Borrowers, by studio Ghibli, directed by Hiromasa Yonebayashi.
I'm still surprised I wasn't more tired in the evening and didn't fall asleep almost before midnight just to wake up 6 o'clock on Monday morning. The excitement and confusion resulting from everything that happened on Saturday must be the thing that kept me going both Sunday and yesterday, with the total of 9 hours of sleep. And then again the excitement with this trip and having to struggle with a foreign language (Danish & Swedish mostly). But better have the excitement than to be tired. Last night I fell asleep fast after a hot bath and actually woke up before the alarm (5 minutes still counts as "before"). Amount of sleep: 7,5 hours plus that on hour nap before dinner - let's say the total was something like 8 hours and I feel better about myself.
Saturday, September 17, 2011
Sleep and dream and films
Woke up at 10 this morning. And couldn't fall back. I was so mad that I deliberately stayed there, just lying, in my madness (pun intented) for 45 minutes. Then too many thoughts came along and I had to make coffee. Just got the beans of Tomoco (from Addis Abeba) grinded yesterday at Kaffecentralen at Pursimiehenkatu and I have to say: this is the best stuff I've had since our spring trip. *Sigh*
So with approximately 7,5 hours of rest I went to see Sleeping Beauty by Julia Leigh. It was different from what I expected. I felt that Emily Browning's Lucy was so interesting and then they didn't really explore her character that much. A pity. The plot overdrove the character. It did raise some interesting questions about sleeping though, since Lucy was artificially put to a deep sleep while doing her "job". But it failed to tell, if Lucy dreamed during those long hours or if she had any memories from what was done to her.
I was about to go and see another film, but decided against it. Why, I don't know, because I was just in the mood... While cooking there happened to be Inception showing in television. Coincidence?
So with approximately 7,5 hours of rest I went to see Sleeping Beauty by Julia Leigh. It was different from what I expected. I felt that Emily Browning's Lucy was so interesting and then they didn't really explore her character that much. A pity. The plot overdrove the character. It did raise some interesting questions about sleeping though, since Lucy was artificially put to a deep sleep while doing her "job". But it failed to tell, if Lucy dreamed during those long hours or if she had any memories from what was done to her.
I was about to go and see another film, but decided against it. Why, I don't know, because I was just in the mood... While cooking there happened to be Inception showing in television. Coincidence?
Wednesday, Thursday, Friday...
Oh well, yes: the festival has begun. It's almost 2 a.m. and I'm not partying out there, but home, trying to get some sleep, so the party can be carried out tomorrow. Maybe.
I wasn't surprised that after an exercise on Wednesday, the sleep didn't come that quickly. But it wasn't bad, managed to get some 6-7 hours of sleep nevertheless. Thursday was "rough" on a film watching side: saw three films - and none of them was bad! [Pina, Poliss & La piel que habito] I guess that and the fact that I haven't watched that many films sort of contributed to the restlesness that didn't give me more than 5 hours of sleep at the most. But it's ok, because watching films is like watching Dreams most of the time. And like Dreams, they are either good or bad, nice or uncomfortable. From Monday to Wednesday all my Dreams were both exciting and very uncomfortable. They started good, but ended at me being in trouble. Just like the best of films.
Today felt bad from the start and I was crumpy from the lack of sleeping. That's not news though, but I felt bad for the people I had to deal with anyway. Saw Gus Van Sant's Restless after midday - except the end, because the film "burned" which in this digital age means that the coding keys go bad/old/non-valid. Booooring. I want to see the film burn, if something has to be the problem. I guess Annabel died. And maybe Enoch survided.
Watching Drive tonight set me on a familiar, excited festive mood. I was really tense and bouncy after the film. And aroused from watching Ryan Gosling, and all dreamy and familiar from all the music and slow motion (have to get the soundtrack!). A good film. I just might have to watch it again sometime.
So I wonder what kind of dreams I'll see tonight. I think none, since I have to get some serious sleep before tomorrow. Now it's 2.10 and I can in fact feel my eyes closing. That's a good sign.
Thanks to Mr A.K. for this nighty night music.
I wasn't surprised that after an exercise on Wednesday, the sleep didn't come that quickly. But it wasn't bad, managed to get some 6-7 hours of sleep nevertheless. Thursday was "rough" on a film watching side: saw three films - and none of them was bad! [Pina, Poliss & La piel que habito] I guess that and the fact that I haven't watched that many films sort of contributed to the restlesness that didn't give me more than 5 hours of sleep at the most. But it's ok, because watching films is like watching Dreams most of the time. And like Dreams, they are either good or bad, nice or uncomfortable. From Monday to Wednesday all my Dreams were both exciting and very uncomfortable. They started good, but ended at me being in trouble. Just like the best of films.
Today felt bad from the start and I was crumpy from the lack of sleeping. That's not news though, but I felt bad for the people I had to deal with anyway. Saw Gus Van Sant's Restless after midday - except the end, because the film "burned" which in this digital age means that the coding keys go bad/old/non-valid. Booooring. I want to see the film burn, if something has to be the problem. I guess Annabel died. And maybe Enoch survided.
Watching Drive tonight set me on a familiar, excited festive mood. I was really tense and bouncy after the film. And aroused from watching Ryan Gosling, and all dreamy and familiar from all the music and slow motion (have to get the soundtrack!). A good film. I just might have to watch it again sometime.
So I wonder what kind of dreams I'll see tonight. I think none, since I have to get some serious sleep before tomorrow. Now it's 2.10 and I can in fact feel my eyes closing. That's a good sign.
Thanks to Mr A.K. for this nighty night music.
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
How can it feel so good
Last night was just wonderful. Slept from around 21.30 until 6.30, when I woke up without the alarm. That's nine hours, with Dreams. Just... great! I need to do the same tonight, because tomorrow there's a pile of work to be done, and *gulp* three films to watch. Also somebody said something about the opening party. Not sure if I'm up to that, but festival festival!
And no, didn't see those film previews today, but did go to indoor cycling. Felt a bit weird and too easy after all the daily biking I've done during the summer, but in the end I actually broke the sweat. Hura. Next time something else - kettle bell?
And no, didn't see those film previews today, but did go to indoor cycling. Felt a bit weird and too easy after all the daily biking I've done during the summer, but in the end I actually broke the sweat. Hura. Next time something else - kettle bell?
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Back to [ ] 1?
Sorry to be so boring already, but this is how this blog is going to be: a record of my sleeping and things that seem to effect it's quality, length and such, nothing more, nothing less.
Last night was awful. As I got home before 20h I had already decided that I have to be tired enough to sleep without melatonin. How wrong I was. I realised already by 23h that the night won't be a picnic in the park, but in that point there was no point taking the pill anymore. Turned off the tv at midnight and tossed and turned in my bed until 2.30. I guess I fell asleep by three o'clock and had generous 4 hours of sleep after putting the alarm ahead for one hour more. Not that it had made a difference: 3 or 4 hours, same difference.
I'm surprised I survived the deadline day this well and managed to stay at work the solid 8,5 hours. I sneaked out 17.30 and took care of some things and almost by accident walked home. That was probably the best idea I've had for a while. I haven't exactly had the danger of catching a fresh air poisoning in the past week.
But now the magazine #10/2011 is in the print and I'm getting ready to watch some films. Love & Anarchy (or the Helsinki Film Festival, as they like to call it) won't start until Thursday, but I have to take a look at one press preview tomorrow. Or two. We'll see. And then gym. Can't wait that either! It's been too long.
But first: 3 grams of melatonin, genmaicha tea and sleep.
Last night was awful. As I got home before 20h I had already decided that I have to be tired enough to sleep without melatonin. How wrong I was. I realised already by 23h that the night won't be a picnic in the park, but in that point there was no point taking the pill anymore. Turned off the tv at midnight and tossed and turned in my bed until 2.30. I guess I fell asleep by three o'clock and had generous 4 hours of sleep after putting the alarm ahead for one hour more. Not that it had made a difference: 3 or 4 hours, same difference.
I'm surprised I survived the deadline day this well and managed to stay at work the solid 8,5 hours. I sneaked out 17.30 and took care of some things and almost by accident walked home. That was probably the best idea I've had for a while. I haven't exactly had the danger of catching a fresh air poisoning in the past week.
But now the magazine #10/2011 is in the print and I'm getting ready to watch some films. Love & Anarchy (or the Helsinki Film Festival, as they like to call it) won't start until Thursday, but I have to take a look at one press preview tomorrow. Or two. We'll see. And then gym. Can't wait that either! It's been too long.
But first: 3 grams of melatonin, genmaicha tea and sleep.
Monday, September 12, 2011
End of the week partying
Partying certainly screws up my sleeping. It didn't used to and people still keep giving me the "what, you can't a sleep after two glasses of wine?" attitude. But in 33 years things apparently have changed. No, I can't get a decent sleep after two glasses of wine (even though more often it's two beers aka Coronas). So I was surprised last Thursday, when I came home at midnight and pretty much died to my bed after three times two glasses of wine. Of course the problems are there next day. Despite of past night's activities going to work at 9h means that you'll be a zombie rest of the day. It didn't help that this time the zombie worked until 20h. It wasn't as bad as it sounds (although I haven't spoken to my head editor about the quality yet), but as I biked home and went to get a take-away pizza (that's like first time in...two years?), I could have rolled over right there at the Round House of Hakaniemi and closed my eyes. Luckily I had enough energy to go home and happily ignored all the invites for Friday beer (or two).
I slept for 11,5 hours, and as I woke up on Saturday at 10h 30, I could have slept a lot more. No dreams, nothing, just a blissful, time-depriving sleep. I was going to continue the activity, but then I figured the coming night's DJ gig won't last that long and I get to go home back to my bed a midnight at the latest.
Little did I know that I'd actually meet people who are fun and smart and wonderful and who liked to stay in the nightclub-nobody-had-been-before until the end. I was quite stressed and excited about the gig itself and didn't even notice that I gulped down four glasses of sparkly wine while playing the music. And I won't start thinking how many GT's went down in the club. I was ready to go home around 2 a.m. but then somebody came talking and we went to get another one and... Well, I had certainly missed my last tram. Even the last call didn't save me. I won't get any deeper into the events that followed since this is not a gossip blog, but the bed wasn't completely mine until 6.30 a.m.
The strange thing was that I only slept for a few hours, three at the most. I was already shopping for morning coffee milk at 10.30. The tiredness after all excitement didn't get to me before afternoon, when I took a short nap of one hour and then just tried to stay up until the weekly portion of Poirot was over. I barely managed it. And I have to admit it: I took one melatonin pill 19h30, just to be safe.
Wonder how long I can work today. It's a deadline week and we're trying to get everything done my tomorrow. And then begins the Love & Anarchy... Oh my.
I slept for 11,5 hours, and as I woke up on Saturday at 10h 30, I could have slept a lot more. No dreams, nothing, just a blissful, time-depriving sleep. I was going to continue the activity, but then I figured the coming night's DJ gig won't last that long and I get to go home back to my bed a midnight at the latest.
Little did I know that I'd actually meet people who are fun and smart and wonderful and who liked to stay in the nightclub-nobody-had-been-before until the end. I was quite stressed and excited about the gig itself and didn't even notice that I gulped down four glasses of sparkly wine while playing the music. And I won't start thinking how many GT's went down in the club. I was ready to go home around 2 a.m. but then somebody came talking and we went to get another one and... Well, I had certainly missed my last tram. Even the last call didn't save me. I won't get any deeper into the events that followed since this is not a gossip blog, but the bed wasn't completely mine until 6.30 a.m.
The strange thing was that I only slept for a few hours, three at the most. I was already shopping for morning coffee milk at 10.30. The tiredness after all excitement didn't get to me before afternoon, when I took a short nap of one hour and then just tried to stay up until the weekly portion of Poirot was over. I barely managed it. And I have to admit it: I took one melatonin pill 19h30, just to be safe.
Wonder how long I can work today. It's a deadline week and we're trying to get everything done my tomorrow. And then begins the Love & Anarchy... Oh my.
Thursday, September 8, 2011
The only solid block of sleep the whole week?
Slept solid 7 hours last night, no breaks, but no dreams either. Didn't take anything in except ate dinner around 21h. Maybe that's the key.
Tonight there'll be a social function where I try not to get completely waisted. So, my best behaviour, here goes...
Tonight there'll be a social function where I try not to get completely waisted. So, my best behaviour, here goes...
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Some (bad) habits and the dreams
It seems to me that it doesn't matter if I do sports or exercise during the day (usually in the evening), the sleep doesn't come more easily. Of course there's the "two hour rule" for everybody, but for me there's a zero effect. I feel pretty much the same. Not that sports is the topic of the day, because I haven't had time for any exercise in the past month. Today I spend 10h 45 minutes at work. Add travel by tram there and back again, and you have a 12 hour day right there. Add 1,5 hours in the morning for the regular morning stuff, and you have 10,5 hours left. For sleeping?
It doesn't go like that. I've never been a person who can "let go of the day" very easily. I need time to do some random stuff or do nothing like watching tv and fooling around in the net. And I tend to spend a lot of that time thinking. Just, thinking. Which again is really bad for sleep.
Last week I was so happy that I got the dreams back. Very vivid images and experiences, just like before. Adding to my happiness was that I had to take in the melatonin (3 g) from Monday to Thursday, and still I had the dreams. Before there's been some, but not as coherent. Good or bad, I have no idea, but it's good I don't have to compromise between sleep and dreams anymore. That's just cruel.
It doesn't go like that. I've never been a person who can "let go of the day" very easily. I need time to do some random stuff or do nothing like watching tv and fooling around in the net. And I tend to spend a lot of that time thinking. Just, thinking. Which again is really bad for sleep.
Last week I was so happy that I got the dreams back. Very vivid images and experiences, just like before. Adding to my happiness was that I had to take in the melatonin (3 g) from Monday to Thursday, and still I had the dreams. Before there's been some, but not as coherent. Good or bad, I have no idea, but it's good I don't have to compromise between sleep and dreams anymore. That's just cruel.
Why of sleeping
I can not remember exactly when my life began to revolve around sleeping. Dreams have been essential part of my everyday life and experiences since I was a child (or "when I was born"), but sleeping - I never really thought of that as a thing. As a problem.
This written netlog is written mainly for myself. I need to record the fleeting thoughts and feelings I have about sleeping somewhere. I might as well do it publicly. If somebody shares my experience, please comment and discuss. I think I'm not the only one having problems or these abnormal experiences with sleeping. And I think we are all in the verge of a bigger cultural phenomenon here.
Last night I slept without melatonin after two nights of taking the help in. Had problems with falling to sleep, but didn't really wake up until morning. Feeling very tired and heavy-headed. But I'm happy that the dreams are back.
This written netlog is written mainly for myself. I need to record the fleeting thoughts and feelings I have about sleeping somewhere. I might as well do it publicly. If somebody shares my experience, please comment and discuss. I think I'm not the only one having problems or these abnormal experiences with sleeping. And I think we are all in the verge of a bigger cultural phenomenon here.
Last night I slept without melatonin after two nights of taking the help in. Had problems with falling to sleep, but didn't really wake up until morning. Feeling very tired and heavy-headed. But I'm happy that the dreams are back.
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