Hours slept in the past two nights: 5 + 4
The headline is stolen from The Cool Hunter's Facebook status update, but somehow it is more than appropriate today, every day. There was pretty much the same idea in my entry from November 1st. I just can't get enough, I just can't get enough... sleep. Even when I sleep 7 or 8 disjointed hours per night.
These dark times of the year normally don't effect me - except for the fact that melatonin doesn't seem to work anymore. Damn.
Last night I experienced the once-quite-regular night frights again. I have to dig deeper into those some other time, but to put it short, they are not nice. I get them before I try to fall asleep or in the edge of sleep and they wake me up, completely. It's like having a small heart attack or have a vein pop out in your brain, except you find out that you're still alive and horribly tired...
I don't know how Charlotte/Beck's disco/clap clap song connects to anything said here, but it's a bloody good disco/clap clap song!
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Darkest hours
It's the darkest time of the year and I should be more sleepy than usual. But no: even last night, after two doses of melatonin, I kept waking up every two hours. In the morning I simply gave up and got up. And yes, I feel horribly tired. I'm just not sleeping.
This is different kind of sleeplessness than before. I am in a way more calm (see previous entry), but at the same time I have no energy. I do the bare minimum and that's it. Too bad it seems to apply to sleeping as well. Last weekend I thought "well isn't this great, I have the whole Friday - Saturday night for myself and my bed."
I was up by 9 a.m Saturday morning. And I didn't feel rested at all.
Saturday was all for football, beer, a pre-X-mas party and meeting friends, so that night doesn't really count. You would think that Sunday night I'd be in bed by 21h.
Stayed up until midnight, hovering between conscious, sleep and dreams. Got up at seven after waking three times during the night.
This is clearly not fair. It's dark. I want more sleep. (Bon Iver's Calgary dreams to follow:)
This is different kind of sleeplessness than before. I am in a way more calm (see previous entry), but at the same time I have no energy. I do the bare minimum and that's it. Too bad it seems to apply to sleeping as well. Last weekend I thought "well isn't this great, I have the whole Friday - Saturday night for myself and my bed."
I was up by 9 a.m Saturday morning. And I didn't feel rested at all.
Saturday was all for football, beer, a pre-X-mas party and meeting friends, so that night doesn't really count. You would think that Sunday night I'd be in bed by 21h.
Stayed up until midnight, hovering between conscious, sleep and dreams. Got up at seven after waking three times during the night.
This is clearly not fair. It's dark. I want more sleep. (Bon Iver's Calgary dreams to follow:)
Monday, November 21, 2011
Simple enough solution?
The last draft for this blog is from November 11th and it began like this:
"Sleeping while travelling is another funny thing. Normally the first night after arriving you are so tired that sleeps comes easily. The second night is more tricky, because of all the excitement over seeing new places and things - and sleeping in a new bed..."
I'm still signing all that and I think that writing about insomnia (or for me most of the time: the lack of it) while travelling is important, but now it's been a little bit too long, so I'd be able to grasp it elegantly (haha) right now. To put it shortly, I was away with a family for five nights, four days. I was quite stressed about the trip, and also about other things in my life before and after, so I basically didn't sleep at all during that trip. You can just imagine how exhausted I was when I came home and had to be back to work the very next day. It's almost like not "being there" at all. I was also stupid enough to have left all melatonin pills home.
But to be honest, the main reason I haven't written for a few weeks is that I've met someone that I both like AND I can sleep with. And yes, that's what I mean, exactly. I haven't "met someone" in a sense that I'm going to marry him next week - we're not an item, there's no serious gf/bf thing going on. And yes, by "sleeping" I actually mostly mean sleeping! Naturally that's not the way it started, but let's just say it's a very, very good side-effect of the whole relationship - and for the sake of my sleeping problems I DO hope that's the way it'll be for a while at least, because it's a good thing for me. (And he's a nice and interesting enough guy, which is a huge bonus.)
Funnily enough, I actually sleep better (and more hours!) when alone too - which means, most of the week. It must have something to do with relaxation, which is a bit odd, because at work or other parts of my life things are not any less hectic. But we'll see. I'm of course quite scared that by writing about it I'm jinxing it. Let's all hope not.
"Sleeping while travelling is another funny thing. Normally the first night after arriving you are so tired that sleeps comes easily. The second night is more tricky, because of all the excitement over seeing new places and things - and sleeping in a new bed..."
I'm still signing all that and I think that writing about insomnia (or for me most of the time: the lack of it) while travelling is important, but now it's been a little bit too long, so I'd be able to grasp it elegantly (haha) right now. To put it shortly, I was away with a family for five nights, four days. I was quite stressed about the trip, and also about other things in my life before and after, so I basically didn't sleep at all during that trip. You can just imagine how exhausted I was when I came home and had to be back to work the very next day. It's almost like not "being there" at all. I was also stupid enough to have left all melatonin pills home.
But to be honest, the main reason I haven't written for a few weeks is that I've met someone that I both like AND I can sleep with. And yes, that's what I mean, exactly. I haven't "met someone" in a sense that I'm going to marry him next week - we're not an item, there's no serious gf/bf thing going on. And yes, by "sleeping" I actually mostly mean sleeping! Naturally that's not the way it started, but let's just say it's a very, very good side-effect of the whole relationship - and for the sake of my sleeping problems I DO hope that's the way it'll be for a while at least, because it's a good thing for me. (And he's a nice and interesting enough guy, which is a huge bonus.)
Funnily enough, I actually sleep better (and more hours!) when alone too - which means, most of the week. It must have something to do with relaxation, which is a bit odd, because at work or other parts of my life things are not any less hectic. But we'll see. I'm of course quite scared that by writing about it I'm jinxing it. Let's all hope not.
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
I should be getting more of it
Hours slept during the weekend: best guess 10 in total
General feeling during the weekend: What, another party situation? I'm not fit to do any of this.
Hours slept between Sun & Mon: 9ish (with melat.)
General feeling yesterday: Surprisingly focused and efficient.
Hours slept last night: <6
General feeling today: My voice is gone, but I'm not sick - oh yes, the sleeplessness thing, right.
My irregular (weekly?), unthinkable aerobic exercise on a indoor bike seems to be paying off: last night so-called advanced level cycling felt way too easy. Or maybe it's just me. Felt tired right afterwards and was about to let it go early (no melat.), but for some reason ended up surffing the net until midnight and getting another dose of Stephen Fry's QI (wonderful show that is!), and then... So, tired: check. Relatively calm: check. Sleep well: uncheck...
Yeeees, I know it's the weekend I have to blame. After I turned 30, the recovery from the weekends (especially those nasty, unplanned two-day outings) requires one day, that is, Monday. Going to work is ok and doing stuff is ok (actually I'm quite efficient), but sleeping badly the last two or three nights makes it all fuzzy and funny. I'm surprised I was able to bike the whole program so well last night, usually it's my body that simply shuts down. Apparently it didn't. And no sleep either.
Here's the first single from Koria Kitten Riot's new album The Lows & the Highs. I have the honour knowing the guy and promote him gladly! (The whole album can be found from Spotify - or your friendly neighbour music store in Finland!)
General feeling during the weekend: What, another party situation? I'm not fit to do any of this.
Hours slept between Sun & Mon: 9ish (with melat.)
General feeling yesterday: Surprisingly focused and efficient.
Hours slept last night: <6
General feeling today: My voice is gone, but I'm not sick - oh yes, the sleeplessness thing, right.
My irregular (weekly?), unthinkable aerobic exercise on a indoor bike seems to be paying off: last night so-called advanced level cycling felt way too easy. Or maybe it's just me. Felt tired right afterwards and was about to let it go early (no melat.), but for some reason ended up surffing the net until midnight and getting another dose of Stephen Fry's QI (wonderful show that is!), and then... So, tired: check. Relatively calm: check. Sleep well: uncheck...
Yeeees, I know it's the weekend I have to blame. After I turned 30, the recovery from the weekends (especially those nasty, unplanned two-day outings) requires one day, that is, Monday. Going to work is ok and doing stuff is ok (actually I'm quite efficient), but sleeping badly the last two or three nights makes it all fuzzy and funny. I'm surprised I was able to bike the whole program so well last night, usually it's my body that simply shuts down. Apparently it didn't. And no sleep either.
Here's the first single from Koria Kitten Riot's new album The Lows & the Highs. I have the honour knowing the guy and promote him gladly! (The whole album can be found from Spotify - or your friendly neighbour music store in Finland!)
Friday, October 28, 2011
Overtiredness makes you double-dose
Hours slept last night: 8
General feeling: It's Saturday! No, I slept in! No, wait: it's Friday and I have to get up - soon.
Last night I was so desperate for rest that instead of relying on the tiring effect of cycling, I took double dose of melatonin and wished to sleep. Now, what happens with this on-off-relationship with M is, that if I don't take one every night whether I need it or not, the first night when taken, is q bit restless. Yes, I feel sleepy fast and even fall asleep relatively quickly, but then I start waking up in the middle of night several times. That's not fun, since the waking up situation is confusing and I feel "wide awake" for a few minutes. I don't even understand what day or time it is, but start checking the clock, the street outside etc. And then in the morning I could just go on and on.
General feeling: It's Saturday! No, I slept in! No, wait: it's Friday and I have to get up - soon.
Last night I was so desperate for rest that instead of relying on the tiring effect of cycling, I took double dose of melatonin and wished to sleep. Now, what happens with this on-off-relationship with M is, that if I don't take one every night whether I need it or not, the first night when taken, is q bit restless. Yes, I feel sleepy fast and even fall asleep relatively quickly, but then I start waking up in the middle of night several times. That's not fun, since the waking up situation is confusing and I feel "wide awake" for a few minutes. I don't even understand what day or time it is, but start checking the clock, the street outside etc. And then in the morning I could just go on and on.
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Week of subtitutes, sort of
Horus slept in past two nights: <5 + <6
General feeling: Fall is finally getting the best of me, tired all the time.
Look mom, no melatonin! It's been a week of subtitutes. No drugs, just indoor cycling and such. Yesterday an intensive concert of Diamanda Galás, then straight to the Finlandia Gala of Maximum Halloween 3011 - both in a quite pleasant company. Always nice to get to know new, interesting people, especially while getting older it becomes more difficult (i.e. I'm simply not interested). Naturally in a proper film festival spirit the seance was late, so I wasn't home before 0h30. Should have drank that third beer can... But I don't really mind, as said, the discussions inbetween and after the concert and film were good.
Getting up yesterday and today has been a difficult task. It's like I'm still not awake and it's because of nights that are too short. I keep waking up quite often as well. I might have to try to go to bed early tonight. With melatonin (well, hel-lo...).
Playing since yesterday on constant repeat. 3''13' of pure dance. If anybody makes a dance lesson out of this, I'm in. Or whatta hell: I'll just do it when I get home.
General feeling: Fall is finally getting the best of me, tired all the time.
Look mom, no melatonin! It's been a week of subtitutes. No drugs, just indoor cycling and such. Yesterday an intensive concert of Diamanda Galás, then straight to the Finlandia Gala of Maximum Halloween 3011 - both in a quite pleasant company. Always nice to get to know new, interesting people, especially while getting older it becomes more difficult (i.e. I'm simply not interested). Naturally in a proper film festival spirit the seance was late, so I wasn't home before 0h30. Should have drank that third beer can... But I don't really mind, as said, the discussions inbetween and after the concert and film were good.
Getting up yesterday and today has been a difficult task. It's like I'm still not awake and it's because of nights that are too short. I keep waking up quite often as well. I might have to try to go to bed early tonight. With melatonin (well, hel-lo...).
Playing since yesterday on constant repeat. 3''13' of pure dance. If anybody makes a dance lesson out of this, I'm in. Or whatta hell: I'll just do it when I get home.
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
"In the night"
Hours slept last night: 8? 7? Less? More?
General feeling today: Zzzzzzz
We have this saying in Finnish "se on ihan yössä", which translates simply as "s/he's quite in the night". It means that someone simply doesn't understand something and is a bit, emm, on a stupid side (on that particular matter, not necessary all the time). Today I feel like I'm in the night and I feel I'm on the stupid side more than usual. And it's not about the sleeplessness anymore - it's about not getting enough of it.
I wish I had eyes like they do in the end. Today mine are simply closed.
General feeling today: Zzzzzzz
We have this saying in Finnish "se on ihan yössä", which translates simply as "s/he's quite in the night". It means that someone simply doesn't understand something and is a bit, emm, on a stupid side (on that particular matter, not necessary all the time). Today I feel like I'm in the night and I feel I'm on the stupid side more than usual. And it's not about the sleeplessness anymore - it's about not getting enough of it.
I wish I had eyes like they do in the end. Today mine are simply closed.
Monday, October 24, 2011
Damn you Monday, damn you
Hours slept last night: <6
General feeling today: Sore throat again! I refuse to be sick anymore.
I shouldn't even think about exercising when feeling like this: sore throat, constant exhaustion & muscle ache, tiredtiredtired. But then again, if I can engage myself to equally exhausting physical activities (i.e. sex and such), why couldn't I do a little indoor cycling as well? Aye, that is the question. I guess the answer is "in order to avoid premature heart attack". Also it does help with the sleep nowadays. No melatonin last night.
General feeling today: Sore throat again! I refuse to be sick anymore.
I shouldn't even think about exercising when feeling like this: sore throat, constant exhaustion & muscle ache, tiredtiredtired. But then again, if I can engage myself to equally exhausting physical activities (i.e. sex and such), why couldn't I do a little indoor cycling as well? Aye, that is the question. I guess the answer is "in order to avoid premature heart attack". Also it does help with the sleep nowadays. No melatonin last night.
Sunday, October 23, 2011
Weekend with or without sleep
Hours slept this weekend: 6 + 8
General feeling: Yes, definitely more sleep needed, but I'm heading to the right direction.
Just wondering in general, how much my need for sleep decreases when there's something social fun in sight. Normally I'm quite unable to go out on Fridays - except by accident, meaning straight to pub from work and being home, pleasantly drunk, by midnight. But this Friday I didn't even feel horribly tired and even had a pre-clubbing party at friend's home. Strange. Of course the partying and clubbing thing decreases the amount of sleep since I'm unable to sleep in properly after drinking too many Cosmos and Vodka Russians. The upside is that the following night I fall asleep quickly. Except for yesterday it didn't happen before 1 o'clock for some reason or another. And then this morning I just made myself get up 9.30 - to be sure that tonight the sleep comes as quickly as yesterday. Last night was also quite pleasantly spotted by dream adventures and detective stories of some kind. Very nice indeed.
Hugh Laurie kept me company the whole morning and parts of the afternoon. Thanks Hughie, you jazz!
General feeling: Yes, definitely more sleep needed, but I'm heading to the right direction.
Just wondering in general, how much my need for sleep decreases when there's something social fun in sight. Normally I'm quite unable to go out on Fridays - except by accident, meaning straight to pub from work and being home, pleasantly drunk, by midnight. But this Friday I didn't even feel horribly tired and even had a pre-clubbing party at friend's home. Strange. Of course the partying and clubbing thing decreases the amount of sleep since I'm unable to sleep in properly after drinking too many Cosmos and Vodka Russians. The upside is that the following night I fall asleep quickly. Except for yesterday it didn't happen before 1 o'clock for some reason or another. And then this morning I just made myself get up 9.30 - to be sure that tonight the sleep comes as quickly as yesterday. Last night was also quite pleasantly spotted by dream adventures and detective stories of some kind. Very nice indeed.
Hugh Laurie kept me company the whole morning and parts of the afternoon. Thanks Hughie, you jazz!
Friday, October 21, 2011
I could go on and on and on...
Hours slept last night: 7
General feeling today: The start was just wonderful with the Likeminds, but then a ghost from the past ruined my day. Damn you.
Great news: I felt tired last night before ten and managed to fall asleep an hour later. Hooray for that! Even getting up wasn't overwhelmingly difficult - even though I could have keep on sleeping forever.
General feeling today: The start was just wonderful with the Likeminds, but then a ghost from the past ruined my day. Damn you.
Great news: I felt tired last night before ten and managed to fall asleep an hour later. Hooray for that! Even getting up wasn't overwhelmingly difficult - even though I could have keep on sleeping forever.
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Boring news
Hours slept while suffering the flu: 9ish + 6ish (with cough)
General feeling during those 2,5 days: Where am I? Where am I coming from? Where am I going to?
Hours slept yesterday after physical excercise: <6
General feeling today: I know I'm in a meeting but could somebody tell me what am I doing here?
It's not so much the nasty flu feeling that kept me up the whole last week, most of the weekend, and the beginning of this week, but the cough. Damn it. Thank gods the doctor didn't hear anything funny whining in my lungs, so basically it just went down to being a good girl and swallowing down the prescription cough syrup (in general, hate taking any kind of medicine besides melatonin) and double doses of melatonin. I did fall into heavy sleep both on Monday and Tuesday, but the cough kept me awake some of the time during the night. Yesterday morning Ï was watching a film and didn't understand half of the plot (which was not that complicated), that tells you something.
Last night I was pretty much worn down by 2 hours of light sweating and I felt considerably tired right after. But the sleep never comes quickly after such a thing, I should have learned that already, so didn't fall to sleep until 1 o'clock. Trying to be a bit smarter today I went to a cycling lesson already at five. We'll see what happens.
And oh yes, just a observation: both on Tuesday and Wednesday I had a horrible headache. I never have a headache except when I have fever. It was really annoying. Hopefully it was not the combination of melatonin and dextromethorphan based cough syrup...
And look, tomorrow it's Friday already. Maybe some proper rest in sight!
I love Florence Welch. I'd like to do things I want and feel like doing like she does. Sigh.
General feeling during those 2,5 days: Where am I? Where am I coming from? Where am I going to?
Hours slept yesterday after physical excercise: <6
General feeling today: I know I'm in a meeting but could somebody tell me what am I doing here?
It's not so much the nasty flu feeling that kept me up the whole last week, most of the weekend, and the beginning of this week, but the cough. Damn it. Thank gods the doctor didn't hear anything funny whining in my lungs, so basically it just went down to being a good girl and swallowing down the prescription cough syrup (in general, hate taking any kind of medicine besides melatonin) and double doses of melatonin. I did fall into heavy sleep both on Monday and Tuesday, but the cough kept me awake some of the time during the night. Yesterday morning Ï was watching a film and didn't understand half of the plot (which was not that complicated), that tells you something.
Last night I was pretty much worn down by 2 hours of light sweating and I felt considerably tired right after. But the sleep never comes quickly after such a thing, I should have learned that already, so didn't fall to sleep until 1 o'clock. Trying to be a bit smarter today I went to a cycling lesson already at five. We'll see what happens.
And oh yes, just a observation: both on Tuesday and Wednesday I had a horrible headache. I never have a headache except when I have fever. It was really annoying. Hopefully it was not the combination of melatonin and dextromethorphan based cough syrup...
And look, tomorrow it's Friday already. Maybe some proper rest in sight!
I love Florence Welch. I'd like to do things I want and feel like doing like she does. Sigh.
Monday, October 17, 2011
Haze, buzz and all of them friends
Dear diary, it's been a while. Since leaving Miami on Sunday my flu got progressively worse, since there was absolutely no time to rest. Deadline was on Wednesday, then there was some socialising, film watching, more socialising, an opening of an artsy film office space, a spoken radio show, great dinner in Kolme Kruunua, Kaiser Chiefs' concert, film watching in a good company, listening a friend reciting poetry, some relationship problems and temporary relief, and finally, a great, great Sunday brunch, that lasted almost 7 hours... Sounds fun, huh? Well, add to that slight rise in temperature, runny nose and nasty cough. The lack of sleep didn't really help. It was an interesting week, but with constant tired, hazy feeling, I'm afraid I can't remember too much of it. And mind you, it was NOT the alcohol doing the trick this time.
Hours slept since Saturday 8th: 8 + 2 (on a plane, add the time difference of + 7 hours) + 5,5 + 6 + 2 (+2ish) + 5,5 + 6,5 + 5 + 4.
Superwoman over and out and off to sick leave until Wednesday.
Hours slept since Saturday 8th: 8 + 2 (on a plane, add the time difference of + 7 hours) + 5,5 + 6 + 2 (+2ish) + 5,5 + 6,5 + 5 + 4.
Superwoman over and out and off to sick leave until Wednesday.
Saturday, October 8, 2011
It's all about the experience and being on the road
Hours slept last night: 3+2+2+2 (ish)
General feeling today: I could have managed the work day easily, but just look at the damn weather.
Well guess what: the combo of lurking jetlag and on/off flu with sore throat didn't make the night a pleasant one. I kept waking every two hours, admiring the storm over the city and sincerely hoping it'd go away by morning. It didn't, but just to make most out of the situation the mighty flu decided to kick in. I"m not even sure I can blame my Tuesday night adventures of my condition, but I felt quite feverish this morning. About the same feeling I had on Thursday multiplied by four. I was still ready to gogogo, but then looked outside. The lighting was gone, the steady rain was in, and then I got the call about the delayed pick-up and well: now we'll just have to see, if they come up with plan B. Personally I was ready to go back to sleep right after breakfast, hoping to drink tea the whole day and watch good movies. My inner clock is very confused over the situation. Or maybe it's just the flu.
General feeling today: I could have managed the work day easily, but just look at the damn weather.
Well guess what: the combo of lurking jetlag and on/off flu with sore throat didn't make the night a pleasant one. I kept waking every two hours, admiring the storm over the city and sincerely hoping it'd go away by morning. It didn't, but just to make most out of the situation the mighty flu decided to kick in. I"m not even sure I can blame my Tuesday night adventures of my condition, but I felt quite feverish this morning. About the same feeling I had on Thursday multiplied by four. I was still ready to gogogo, but then looked outside. The lighting was gone, the steady rain was in, and then I got the call about the delayed pick-up and well: now we'll just have to see, if they come up with plan B. Personally I was ready to go back to sleep right after breakfast, hoping to drink tea the whole day and watch good movies. My inner clock is very confused over the situation. Or maybe it's just the flu.
Friday, October 7, 2011
To jetlag or not to jetlag
That really is the question I can't answer or influence the outcome in any way. I won't even write down the hours of last night (okay, okay, the answer is 2), because at the moment - thanks to crossing several time zones westward - my body clearly thinks it's something like 3 a.m. and I have been in a bar drinking merrily the whole night.
Well, I can tell you, I'm not. I even refused to have a "delicious Cuban mojito" two hours ago, because I was pretty sure I wouldn't make it back to the hotel safely. I flew a total of 13 hours today, from which I probably was asleep something like 2 or 2,5 hours. It's not bad considering that I have a fear of flying (aisle seat! aisle seat!) and the first leg was late for an hour so I had to run from the other side of Frankfurt airport to the other. Those of you who have been in that particular airport know that it's not a small one. I was very, very happy to notice that I'm in a pretty good shape. I was really able to run those hall ways for quite some time without being out of breath.
I'm still a bit fluish and that was the main reason I drank as many alcohol doses as I did once I sat safely in that second aircraft. Also has some flu medicine so the passing out was quite complete. But put of those 10 hours on air I was asleep only 2,5 at the most. That's sad.
Now I feel tired (quelle surprise), which is good because I should go immediately and sleep. It shouldn't be a problem and I hope tomorrow, the working day, will be ok in terms of that working part. And I've learned that it's easier to not to get a jetlag going west. The east is the problem, so we'll just see how it all works out on Monday. Also I won't start taking melatonin before Sunday afternoon. My body is messed enough without any extras already.
The music choice of the day. I've always liked Foals but I didn't realise they've made such a gem of a music video! And it's quite accurate for today as well.
Well, I can tell you, I'm not. I even refused to have a "delicious Cuban mojito" two hours ago, because I was pretty sure I wouldn't make it back to the hotel safely. I flew a total of 13 hours today, from which I probably was asleep something like 2 or 2,5 hours. It's not bad considering that I have a fear of flying (aisle seat! aisle seat!) and the first leg was late for an hour so I had to run from the other side of Frankfurt airport to the other. Those of you who have been in that particular airport know that it's not a small one. I was very, very happy to notice that I'm in a pretty good shape. I was really able to run those hall ways for quite some time without being out of breath.
I'm still a bit fluish and that was the main reason I drank as many alcohol doses as I did once I sat safely in that second aircraft. Also has some flu medicine so the passing out was quite complete. But put of those 10 hours on air I was asleep only 2,5 at the most. That's sad.
Now I feel tired (quelle surprise), which is good because I should go immediately and sleep. It shouldn't be a problem and I hope tomorrow, the working day, will be ok in terms of that working part. And I've learned that it's easier to not to get a jetlag going west. The east is the problem, so we'll just see how it all works out on Monday. Also I won't start taking melatonin before Sunday afternoon. My body is messed enough without any extras already.
The music choice of the day. I've always liked Foals but I didn't realise they've made such a gem of a music video! And it's quite accurate for today as well.
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Before it all goes down
Hours slept last night: Solid 8
General feeling the whole day: No wonder I felt heavy this morning, I'm coming down with something originating from Tuesday night.
As expected, after three nights with 11 hours of sleep, all one can do is go in to a temporary coma. I came home 21.45 and was in heavy sleep an hour later. I didn't even brush my teeth. I did wake up in the middle of the night twice, but went straight back. And the morning itself was horribly heavy. I felt a bit odd on the side, and yes, it is the flu that is trying to get the best of me. But no way I'm going to give in. I'll sleep in the plane tomorrow. Or something.
It was a busy day at work, with trying to get everything done. Now I'm watching Step Up 3, which is surprisingly good in its genre, and haven't still packed. Well, I have to get up at 3.45 anyway, so no sleep until, mm, Frankfurt?
General feeling the whole day: No wonder I felt heavy this morning, I'm coming down with something originating from Tuesday night.
As expected, after three nights with 11 hours of sleep, all one can do is go in to a temporary coma. I came home 21.45 and was in heavy sleep an hour later. I didn't even brush my teeth. I did wake up in the middle of the night twice, but went straight back. And the morning itself was horribly heavy. I felt a bit odd on the side, and yes, it is the flu that is trying to get the best of me. But no way I'm going to give in. I'll sleep in the plane tomorrow. Or something.
It was a busy day at work, with trying to get everything done. Now I'm watching Step Up 3, which is surprisingly good in its genre, and haven't still packed. Well, I have to get up at 3.45 anyway, so no sleep until, mm, Frankfurt?
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
The X factor
Hours slept last night: Anything between 3 and 6. Best estimate falls to 4.
General feeling today: I really, really should not complain today, but...
Ok, here's the thing: this Friday I'm leaving for a work-related weekend trip. It includes a total of 25 hours of flying in a plane, which gives you pretty good idea of which part of the world I'm going. I really don't know if I should laugh or cry, because after the past three nights I'm already jet-lagged! You know the reasons for the first two nights of this week, but last night sort of took me by surprise in more than one sense. That's something to write about in general in some point, but now I'm quite unable to concentrate on anything other than this day of work. Which starts right after the double espresso here. And rearranging my stuff from yesterday. And looking longingly the untouched bed...
Kele doesn't have anything to do with what happened, but his album seemed like energetic enough to start the day with.
General feeling today: I really, really should not complain today, but...
Ok, here's the thing: this Friday I'm leaving for a work-related weekend trip. It includes a total of 25 hours of flying in a plane, which gives you pretty good idea of which part of the world I'm going. I really don't know if I should laugh or cry, because after the past three nights I'm already jet-lagged! You know the reasons for the first two nights of this week, but last night sort of took me by surprise in more than one sense. That's something to write about in general in some point, but now I'm quite unable to concentrate on anything other than this day of work. Which starts right after the double espresso here. And rearranging my stuff from yesterday. And looking longingly the untouched bed...
Kele doesn't have anything to do with what happened, but his album seemed like energetic enough to start the day with.
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Just before the most important days...
Hours slept: 3ish
General feeling: I'm fine now, but just ask me again before noon.
I was about to open my laptop four hours ago and start writing. I had this clear idea on why I'm not sleeping. So many things in my mind, going round and round. I felt sleepy around midnight despite of evening's cycling lesson, but then I just.... woke up. It's horrible to watch clock tick away to 1 o'clock, 1.35, 2.05. Or no, not really horrible. Now that I'm used to having these sleepless or few-hours-of-sleep nights, I'm imagining how the next day will be. I know I can manage routine things and simple writing, but for example writing this, in foreign language, is quite difficult. I'm slower and I have... to... think every.... word I'm we - writing.
It's a really hard week at work, because instead of five days, I only have four days to do everything. And there are two magazines to do, at least one longer article for me to write, and several little things. Also yesterday a few things changed in the room I work in. Not that the changes were unpleasant, the new people are interesting, but the hazzle and buzz is always making the days longer in a sense that I don't get as many things done.
No music links this morning. I got the new album of Chisu on mp3 yesterday, so that'll be my music for the tram trip.
General feeling: I'm fine now, but just ask me again before noon.
I was about to open my laptop four hours ago and start writing. I had this clear idea on why I'm not sleeping. So many things in my mind, going round and round. I felt sleepy around midnight despite of evening's cycling lesson, but then I just.... woke up. It's horrible to watch clock tick away to 1 o'clock, 1.35, 2.05. Or no, not really horrible. Now that I'm used to having these sleepless or few-hours-of-sleep nights, I'm imagining how the next day will be. I know I can manage routine things and simple writing, but for example writing this, in foreign language, is quite difficult. I'm slower and I have... to... think every.... word I'm we - writing.
It's a really hard week at work, because instead of five days, I only have four days to do everything. And there are two magazines to do, at least one longer article for me to write, and several little things. Also yesterday a few things changed in the room I work in. Not that the changes were unpleasant, the new people are interesting, but the hazzle and buzz is always making the days longer in a sense that I don't get as many things done.
No music links this morning. I got the new album of Chisu on mp3 yesterday, so that'll be my music for the tram trip.
Monday, October 3, 2011
Disruptions part II
Hours slept last night: 0,5 + 4 + n + 0,5
General feeling: Sleeping life is unfair. The harder you try, the less you get it.
Okay, maybe I should've skipped that dancehall lesson yesterday afternoon. Maybe I should've not satisfied my hunger with a pile of spinach risotto. Maybe I should've not thought about all things I have to get done in the next four days. It's not just work, but punch off other stuff as well. Like thinking about walking in to my dream home yesterday at noon and should I take any action on it. I even agreed going on a date before Friday. I must be insanely stupid to agree in all of that.
I was tired last night and pleasantly calm and decided that it's best just to go to bed. But what happened once again was the all-too-familiar tossing and turning routine. Add to that heavy drowsiness, so there was no point doing anything else while trying to fall asleep. And after I did go under, it felt like less than half an hour and I was awake again. And this kept happening 3 to 4 times during the night.
So now I'm not really up to days' work. And there'll be loads of it.
Morning with Zola Jesus: Ixode
General feeling: Sleeping life is unfair. The harder you try, the less you get it.
Okay, maybe I should've skipped that dancehall lesson yesterday afternoon. Maybe I should've not satisfied my hunger with a pile of spinach risotto. Maybe I should've not thought about all things I have to get done in the next four days. It's not just work, but punch off other stuff as well. Like thinking about walking in to my dream home yesterday at noon and should I take any action on it. I even agreed going on a date before Friday. I must be insanely stupid to agree in all of that.
I was tired last night and pleasantly calm and decided that it's best just to go to bed. But what happened once again was the all-too-familiar tossing and turning routine. Add to that heavy drowsiness, so there was no point doing anything else while trying to fall asleep. And after I did go under, it felt like less than half an hour and I was awake again. And this kept happening 3 to 4 times during the night.
So now I'm not really up to days' work. And there'll be loads of it.
Morning with Zola Jesus: Ixode
Sunday, October 2, 2011
7,5
Hours slept last night: 7,5
General feeling: Even though I took my time in getting up, I still feel drowsy. Another cup of Sunday coffee, anyone?
Another thing that really bugs me is the fact that it's a choice between going out with people and sleep. I like to go out and see my friends or even someone I don't know that well. I love going to concerts and happenings of different kind. Pretty much all those activities (not counting the occasional rendez-vous sportif) include staying up late, because they mostly take place in the evenings, and having at least that one glass of wine or pint of beer or shared bottle of sparkly wine. Trust me, I've tried to fool myself and everybody else a couple of times and just drank ginger ale or coke or water, but there's no difference: the quality of sleep gets worse the instant I even say "yes" to going to any gig or casual meeting. It's about being hyper over social situations and interacting with others. After every evening with friends I need at least an hour, hour-and-a-half to calm down. And then, oops, it's already 1 a.m., 2 a.m., 3 a.m...
This weekend has been special in a sense that Friday, as I wrote in the last entry, was an early night for me, and yesterday I got several basic things done, went to the gym, took my time in cooking etc. And it was so damn hard to say "no" to people who asked me out for one beer! I wanted to be out there, seeing the Saturday night in Helsinki once again, enjoy the wonderful weather and clear starry sky... But no, I switched that to the possibility of sleeping. And got 7,5 hours back. There's nothing more disappointing than getting the average on something.
Here's something very, very special I missed last night. Love the act, dislike the fact for not being there. Nightsatan featuring Albert Withcfinder (of Goblin): Mysterium. You're welcome.
Here's something very, very special I missed last night. Love the act, dislike the fact for not being there. Nightsatan featuring Albert Withcfinder (of Goblin): Mysterium. You're welcome.
Saturday, October 1, 2011
Friday sleeps
The night between Friday and Saturday is critical, if you work from Monday to Friday, and spent most of your free time socialising. The latter activity usually containing alcohol.
Hours slept last night: 7,5 + 1
General feeling today: I should have not drank that third glass of rosé.
I survived last night pretty well. Only that I skipped the planned jogging and went to see an art performance instead. Before we had one glass of cider and afterwards two plus one glasses of rosé wine. Thank god the friend I was with was even more tired than I and had a teenager waiting at home. So I was home relatively early, after 22h and fell asleep surprisingly fast (for Friday), before 1 a.m. The annoying thing was the inability to sleep in. I woke up automatically 8 o'clock and forced myself to go back for an hour. Well, at least I got several things done before going to gym, like doing the dishes and the laundry, and all those small things I was supposed to do during the week.
Right now I'm fighting against the urge to go out for one beer/glass of wine. It's been good day and I actually might get a proper night's sleep without alcohol, even a small amount.
Hours slept last night: 7,5 + 1
General feeling today: I should have not drank that third glass of rosé.
I survived last night pretty well. Only that I skipped the planned jogging and went to see an art performance instead. Before we had one glass of cider and afterwards two plus one glasses of rosé wine. Thank god the friend I was with was even more tired than I and had a teenager waiting at home. So I was home relatively early, after 22h and fell asleep surprisingly fast (for Friday), before 1 a.m. The annoying thing was the inability to sleep in. I woke up automatically 8 o'clock and forced myself to go back for an hour. Well, at least I got several things done before going to gym, like doing the dishes and the laundry, and all those small things I was supposed to do during the week.
Right now I'm fighting against the urge to go out for one beer/glass of wine. It's been good day and I actually might get a proper night's sleep without alcohol, even a small amount.
Friday, September 30, 2011
Disruptions
Hours slept last night: 5 + 3(ish)
General feeling: I've seen half of the stories the world has to offer.
Another thing I don't like is waking up in the middle of night and not being able to fall back to sleep. It's frustrating, unless I'm sleeping with someone. So yes, last night I woke up around 3h and was wide awake. Not even a hint of drowsiness was there. Eventually I went back, but *sigh* not properly.
The Dreams continue to appear. But these latest ones from last night weren't that coherent. It was like watching a pitcher reel, with many changes still to come.
General feeling: I've seen half of the stories the world has to offer.
Another thing I don't like is waking up in the middle of night and not being able to fall back to sleep. It's frustrating, unless I'm sleeping with someone. So yes, last night I woke up around 3h and was wide awake. Not even a hint of drowsiness was there. Eventually I went back, but *sigh* not properly.
The Dreams continue to appear. But these latest ones from last night weren't that coherent. It was like watching a pitcher reel, with many changes still to come.
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Of melatonin and dreaming
Hours slept last night: almost 9,5
General feeling: I want to sleep even more!
One interesting phenomenon I've (probably) mentioned before, is that since I began to experiment with melatonin, my dreaming quality has improved along with sleeping. First I thought it as a bad thing, because I've understood from all the different sleep research papers I've occasionally read, that if you dream a lot, you don't really get any rest. On the other hand, some people just remember their dreams better than others. I've usually leant on the first theory, because I've dreamed a lot since I was a child, but the most refreshing nights hardly ever include any dreaming. The highish amount of dreaming in my life has probably contributed to the alien feeling I've had since being a teenager and most of my adult age. It's very similar to the feeling they described in Matrix in 1999 or last year in Inception. You feel like you've done a lot, but the morning and the day that follows feels strange and incomplete.
This long explanation connects to my use of melatonin, because once I switched to it and refused to try any more any other drugs (not that there were THAT many, I'm just really bad in taking any kind of drugs), my Dreams came back. The capital D is there because the past 3 to 4 years (that's really an estimate, it's been a blur) proper dreams, with long narratives and sometimes continuing from one night to another, have been scarce. My life has been dominated with the thought of not-getting-enough-sleep, not being able to fall asleep, waking up in the middle of the night, waking up too early in the morning, getting by with 4 hour sleep nights for long periods of time. I remember that the first time I went to see a doctor about it, I was only able to cry. When he told me to go home and sleep (it was Monday afternoon), I did go home, but didn't fall sleep before nightfall. I remember lying in my bed, thinking: this is it, this is how madness begins.
I'm glad it didn't. But first with the drug I tried back then, I wasn't able to dream either. At all. My sleep was deep, almost too much, but I didn't experience any stories. It was like losing another world, again (first time being when the insomniac symptoms began). The first narrative dream I remember from my childhood was partly nightmare, but it did continue from one night to another and as I crew older, I learned to control it, and actually dreamed a happy ending for the whole thing. So I know it's possible and even if today I have nightmares, I know there's help close by, because I'm there myself.
So now those stories are back. They were given back to me. Or maybe they have been there all the time, but it's melatonin, the natural drug of my body, that rises them to my consciousness and makes me remember them. The past two nights I've taken melatonin, and last night I had one of the best rides of my life. I won't get into details, but it was an agent dream, the best and most real ones always are. It's funny that my subconscious has chosen the genre that I'm so critical towards to in real life. It's like I'm trying to construct a perfect agent/action/thriller narrative in my mind by living through different variations. Or maybe it's been about chasing that perfect Sleep all along.
P.S. Thanks Clive for the good company last night. We made a pretty good team, didn't we ? (The series of BMW commercials from the first years of 2000's aren't bad either. This one, Ambush from The Hire series was directed by the late John Frankenheimer.)
General feeling: I want to sleep even more!
One interesting phenomenon I've (probably) mentioned before, is that since I began to experiment with melatonin, my dreaming quality has improved along with sleeping. First I thought it as a bad thing, because I've understood from all the different sleep research papers I've occasionally read, that if you dream a lot, you don't really get any rest. On the other hand, some people just remember their dreams better than others. I've usually leant on the first theory, because I've dreamed a lot since I was a child, but the most refreshing nights hardly ever include any dreaming. The highish amount of dreaming in my life has probably contributed to the alien feeling I've had since being a teenager and most of my adult age. It's very similar to the feeling they described in Matrix in 1999 or last year in Inception. You feel like you've done a lot, but the morning and the day that follows feels strange and incomplete.
This long explanation connects to my use of melatonin, because once I switched to it and refused to try any more any other drugs (not that there were THAT many, I'm just really bad in taking any kind of drugs), my Dreams came back. The capital D is there because the past 3 to 4 years (that's really an estimate, it's been a blur) proper dreams, with long narratives and sometimes continuing from one night to another, have been scarce. My life has been dominated with the thought of not-getting-enough-sleep, not being able to fall asleep, waking up in the middle of the night, waking up too early in the morning, getting by with 4 hour sleep nights for long periods of time. I remember that the first time I went to see a doctor about it, I was only able to cry. When he told me to go home and sleep (it was Monday afternoon), I did go home, but didn't fall sleep before nightfall. I remember lying in my bed, thinking: this is it, this is how madness begins.
I'm glad it didn't. But first with the drug I tried back then, I wasn't able to dream either. At all. My sleep was deep, almost too much, but I didn't experience any stories. It was like losing another world, again (first time being when the insomniac symptoms began). The first narrative dream I remember from my childhood was partly nightmare, but it did continue from one night to another and as I crew older, I learned to control it, and actually dreamed a happy ending for the whole thing. So I know it's possible and even if today I have nightmares, I know there's help close by, because I'm there myself.
So now those stories are back. They were given back to me. Or maybe they have been there all the time, but it's melatonin, the natural drug of my body, that rises them to my consciousness and makes me remember them. The past two nights I've taken melatonin, and last night I had one of the best rides of my life. I won't get into details, but it was an agent dream, the best and most real ones always are. It's funny that my subconscious has chosen the genre that I'm so critical towards to in real life. It's like I'm trying to construct a perfect agent/action/thriller narrative in my mind by living through different variations. Or maybe it's been about chasing that perfect Sleep all along.
P.S. Thanks Clive for the good company last night. We made a pretty good team, didn't we ? (The series of BMW commercials from the first years of 2000's aren't bad either. This one, Ambush from The Hire series was directed by the late John Frankenheimer.)
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Rhythm is the answer
Hello Wednesday, 28th day of September in year 2011. I can't believe you're here already. When autumn comes and everything is supposed to fall back [pun intended] to its rightful place after hectic summer, but for me a new autumn in Helsinki is never so. The film festival I've talked about a few times in last week's entries is over now, but it does sort of take over the whole of September and parts of August as well. It's not a bad thing, on the contrary. But it does effect my life and sleeping a lot, so aye, there's an excuse.
Hours slept since last Saturday: 7,5 + 4 + 5 + 7,5. No naps. (only) Two films. 4 + 5 glasses of wine, 1 GT, 1 beer. One 4,5 hour DJ gig (shared). From the total time for sleep only last night with its 7,5 hours was even close to proper rest. Otherwise I've been waking up every two hours, nervous about how things are going, how I should be doing certain things and not to do others.
I was off work on Monday (agreed beforehand, mind you), but my hope to get some rest fell into pieces already in the morning. I don't want to admit that I stress about my day job, because I don't. Sure I think about it, but it's not something I keep thinking about it all the time. It's more the balance of everything - or more correctly, the lack of it - that I keep thinking.
Clearly I can see from the text above and past entries that my life needs regularity before I can start thinking about sleeping properly. But how to achieve that if it's not something I really (really) have an urge for. I like the irregular regularity of past years of my life, and the periods like past month when there's no weekly or daily rhythm, are just too much fun. I need to learn to sleep without letting go any of the other stuff.
A tease for your pleasure (and mine):
P.S. The French group Breakbot was the band of my HIFF 2011. Their music or mix was featured in at least two films I saw (Poliss & Drive).
Hours slept since last Saturday: 7,5 + 4 + 5 + 7,5. No naps. (only) Two films. 4 + 5 glasses of wine, 1 GT, 1 beer. One 4,5 hour DJ gig (shared). From the total time for sleep only last night with its 7,5 hours was even close to proper rest. Otherwise I've been waking up every two hours, nervous about how things are going, how I should be doing certain things and not to do others.
I was off work on Monday (agreed beforehand, mind you), but my hope to get some rest fell into pieces already in the morning. I don't want to admit that I stress about my day job, because I don't. Sure I think about it, but it's not something I keep thinking about it all the time. It's more the balance of everything - or more correctly, the lack of it - that I keep thinking.
A tease for your pleasure (and mine):
P.S. The French group Breakbot was the band of my HIFF 2011. Their music or mix was featured in at least two films I saw (Poliss & Drive).
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Writing is the cure
As I noted in FB when posting a link to this blog, it looks like the whole sleeping problem has disappeared after I began to write about it. Well, better keep writing then. Not that my life has been regular enough in past weeks to draw any conclusions.
I was dead tired on Thursday and against all odds I got almost 8 hours of sleep. Hura for that. The Dreams are missing though, which is a bit sad and I don't feel rested enough. But I'm happy that I haven't been waking up in the middle of the night and falling asleep isn't the too-familiar 3 hour process with continuous fallbacks. Plus I haven't taken any melatonin in the past 7 days. That's a good thing. It could be because the nights getting darker in Helsinki.
I had decided early on, that this week Friday - Saturday would be my sleeping night. Saw two films, 20 Cigarettes and Backyard, the latter ending just after 22h. I'm glad that was the order, because the Italian film about the Iraqian war was a bit too much for me after a long week at work. I also have a severe problem with the modern Italian films. I simply can't cope with the technique they're shot. The editing is also too pseudo-smart and old-fashioned. The tight close-ups didn't really help. The story was interesting though, and the director Aurelio Amadei was present as well. I was sort of hoping to see him later in Corona, but I was told he went to bed early. Backyard on the other hand was a perfect choice. A really well made video-shot music documentary made in Reykjavik. I even discovered a new favourite band, FM Belfast.
I was supposed to go home early, but no. There was someone sitting by the counter of Corona and first beer lead to a second one and then another and then GT's showed up and - Complementaries by your friendly neighborhood game of rock-paper-scissors. So, last night the amount of sleep is something between 6 and 6,5 hours. I can feel an afternoon nap lurking behind the corner.
I was dead tired on Thursday and against all odds I got almost 8 hours of sleep. Hura for that. The Dreams are missing though, which is a bit sad and I don't feel rested enough. But I'm happy that I haven't been waking up in the middle of the night and falling asleep isn't the too-familiar 3 hour process with continuous fallbacks. Plus I haven't taken any melatonin in the past 7 days. That's a good thing. It could be because the nights getting darker in Helsinki.
I had decided early on, that this week Friday - Saturday would be my sleeping night. Saw two films, 20 Cigarettes and Backyard, the latter ending just after 22h. I'm glad that was the order, because the Italian film about the Iraqian war was a bit too much for me after a long week at work. I also have a severe problem with the modern Italian films. I simply can't cope with the technique they're shot. The editing is also too pseudo-smart and old-fashioned. The tight close-ups didn't really help. The story was interesting though, and the director Aurelio Amadei was present as well. I was sort of hoping to see him later in Corona, but I was told he went to bed early. Backyard on the other hand was a perfect choice. A really well made video-shot music documentary made in Reykjavik. I even discovered a new favourite band, FM Belfast.
I was supposed to go home early, but no. There was someone sitting by the counter of Corona and first beer lead to a second one and then another and then GT's showed up and - Complementaries by your friendly neighborhood game of rock-paper-scissors. So, last night the amount of sleep is something between 6 and 6,5 hours. I can feel an afternoon nap lurking behind the corner.
Thursday, September 22, 2011
What day is it today?
Hours slept last night: approximately 7,5
General feeling: Like I'm not here.
This is what I forgot to say about the night before the last one and its effects, because today I felt the same as yesterday. I don't know what day it is. I'm not getting anything done at work. I feel like I should be doing something important right now. I'm waiting for a call. I'm waiting for something.
I'm waiting to get a week's worth of sleep.
I haven't really been out this week, only films Tuesday and Wednesday, today I went for light indoor cycling instead. No alcohol (one small glass does not count), no melatonin. I've managed to fall asleep quite well, but I wake up in the middle. Or/and - this is odd - two or three minutes before the alarm goes off. And let me tell you this: the alarm is not set to go off in the same time every morning, but I adjust it just before I go to sleep.
I'm afraid that tonight's exercise keeps me up the whole night. I really hope that I'm completely wrong.
General feeling: Like I'm not here.
This is what I forgot to say about the night before the last one and its effects, because today I felt the same as yesterday. I don't know what day it is. I'm not getting anything done at work. I feel like I should be doing something important right now. I'm waiting for a call. I'm waiting for something.
I'm waiting to get a week's worth of sleep.
I haven't really been out this week, only films Tuesday and Wednesday, today I went for light indoor cycling instead. No alcohol (one small glass does not count), no melatonin. I've managed to fall asleep quite well, but I wake up in the middle. Or/and - this is odd - two or three minutes before the alarm goes off. And let me tell you this: the alarm is not set to go off in the same time every morning, but I adjust it just before I go to sleep.
I'm afraid that tonight's exercise keeps me up the whole night. I really hope that I'm completely wrong.
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
[No title]
Hours slept last night: 6,5.
General feeling the whole day: Please let me crawl back to my warm bed and stay there and drink tea occasionally.
Can you believe it: my flight was cancelled. That's 2nd time this year! Last time it was Mombasa and 24 hour delay [Finns might understand the pun: Mombasaan jäi päivä elämääni], this time Copenhagen and 1 hour delay. The latter made me almost more pissed than the former, since it made me miss the documentary I had almost anticipated most at HIFF by 10 minutes!
When I was finally home 18.40, I made myself a double cafe au lait (still from Tomoca beans, yummy), dressed up nicely (only cigarettes and lipstick missing) and went to see Neds in Kino Engel, which is by far my favourite cinema in Helsinki. And yes, I had to do it: drink a glass of red wine in Cafe Engel before the film. Aaaa.... I'm so easily satisfied.
Surprisingly enough, I fell asleep pretty fast after a brisk walk home and genmaicha.
General feeling the whole day: Please let me crawl back to my warm bed and stay there and drink tea occasionally.
Can you believe it: my flight was cancelled. That's 2nd time this year! Last time it was Mombasa and 24 hour delay [Finns might understand the pun: Mombasaan jäi päivä elämääni], this time Copenhagen and 1 hour delay. The latter made me almost more pissed than the former, since it made me miss the documentary I had almost anticipated most at HIFF by 10 minutes!
When I was finally home 18.40, I made myself a double cafe au lait (still from Tomoca beans, yummy), dressed up nicely (only cigarettes and lipstick missing) and went to see Neds in Kino Engel, which is by far my favourite cinema in Helsinki. And yes, I had to do it: drink a glass of red wine in Cafe Engel before the film. Aaaa.... I'm so easily satisfied.
Surprisingly enough, I fell asleep pretty fast after a brisk walk home and genmaicha.
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
SleepING in Copenhagen
What, Tuesday already! I'm in Copenhagen for a one night I-guess-you-could-call-it-a business trip. Yesterday we sat in a meeting for 5 hours (after both plane and taxi being horribly late). I was able to concentrate, but as soon as I checked in to the hotel, I died on the bed, and was in a coma for an hour before getting up again to go for a social function dinner. "You look like you just woke up", my Swedish collague said. Oh REALLY.
Last Saturday was a good one in so many ways. Except I drank more GT's than I was supposed to. Wasn't home before 4.15 and didn't fall to sleep until 7.00 (yes, some stuff happened in between). Being a good film festival goer I was already watching Roman Gavras' Notre jour viendra at noon. Or to be exact: 12.15. That means I slept some 4 hours in the morning. Oh dear. A friend of mine was in the same seance, which was good. We ate after the film and before the next one, The Borrowers, by studio Ghibli, directed by Hiromasa Yonebayashi.
I'm still surprised I wasn't more tired in the evening and didn't fall asleep almost before midnight just to wake up 6 o'clock on Monday morning. The excitement and confusion resulting from everything that happened on Saturday must be the thing that kept me going both Sunday and yesterday, with the total of 9 hours of sleep. And then again the excitement with this trip and having to struggle with a foreign language (Danish & Swedish mostly). But better have the excitement than to be tired. Last night I fell asleep fast after a hot bath and actually woke up before the alarm (5 minutes still counts as "before"). Amount of sleep: 7,5 hours plus that on hour nap before dinner - let's say the total was something like 8 hours and I feel better about myself.
Last Saturday was a good one in so many ways. Except I drank more GT's than I was supposed to. Wasn't home before 4.15 and didn't fall to sleep until 7.00 (yes, some stuff happened in between). Being a good film festival goer I was already watching Roman Gavras' Notre jour viendra at noon. Or to be exact: 12.15. That means I slept some 4 hours in the morning. Oh dear. A friend of mine was in the same seance, which was good. We ate after the film and before the next one, The Borrowers, by studio Ghibli, directed by Hiromasa Yonebayashi.
I'm still surprised I wasn't more tired in the evening and didn't fall asleep almost before midnight just to wake up 6 o'clock on Monday morning. The excitement and confusion resulting from everything that happened on Saturday must be the thing that kept me going both Sunday and yesterday, with the total of 9 hours of sleep. And then again the excitement with this trip and having to struggle with a foreign language (Danish & Swedish mostly). But better have the excitement than to be tired. Last night I fell asleep fast after a hot bath and actually woke up before the alarm (5 minutes still counts as "before"). Amount of sleep: 7,5 hours plus that on hour nap before dinner - let's say the total was something like 8 hours and I feel better about myself.
Saturday, September 17, 2011
Sleep and dream and films
Woke up at 10 this morning. And couldn't fall back. I was so mad that I deliberately stayed there, just lying, in my madness (pun intented) for 45 minutes. Then too many thoughts came along and I had to make coffee. Just got the beans of Tomoco (from Addis Abeba) grinded yesterday at Kaffecentralen at Pursimiehenkatu and I have to say: this is the best stuff I've had since our spring trip. *Sigh*
So with approximately 7,5 hours of rest I went to see Sleeping Beauty by Julia Leigh. It was different from what I expected. I felt that Emily Browning's Lucy was so interesting and then they didn't really explore her character that much. A pity. The plot overdrove the character. It did raise some interesting questions about sleeping though, since Lucy was artificially put to a deep sleep while doing her "job". But it failed to tell, if Lucy dreamed during those long hours or if she had any memories from what was done to her.
I was about to go and see another film, but decided against it. Why, I don't know, because I was just in the mood... While cooking there happened to be Inception showing in television. Coincidence?
So with approximately 7,5 hours of rest I went to see Sleeping Beauty by Julia Leigh. It was different from what I expected. I felt that Emily Browning's Lucy was so interesting and then they didn't really explore her character that much. A pity. The plot overdrove the character. It did raise some interesting questions about sleeping though, since Lucy was artificially put to a deep sleep while doing her "job". But it failed to tell, if Lucy dreamed during those long hours or if she had any memories from what was done to her.
I was about to go and see another film, but decided against it. Why, I don't know, because I was just in the mood... While cooking there happened to be Inception showing in television. Coincidence?
Wednesday, Thursday, Friday...
Oh well, yes: the festival has begun. It's almost 2 a.m. and I'm not partying out there, but home, trying to get some sleep, so the party can be carried out tomorrow. Maybe.
I wasn't surprised that after an exercise on Wednesday, the sleep didn't come that quickly. But it wasn't bad, managed to get some 6-7 hours of sleep nevertheless. Thursday was "rough" on a film watching side: saw three films - and none of them was bad! [Pina, Poliss & La piel que habito] I guess that and the fact that I haven't watched that many films sort of contributed to the restlesness that didn't give me more than 5 hours of sleep at the most. But it's ok, because watching films is like watching Dreams most of the time. And like Dreams, they are either good or bad, nice or uncomfortable. From Monday to Wednesday all my Dreams were both exciting and very uncomfortable. They started good, but ended at me being in trouble. Just like the best of films.
Today felt bad from the start and I was crumpy from the lack of sleeping. That's not news though, but I felt bad for the people I had to deal with anyway. Saw Gus Van Sant's Restless after midday - except the end, because the film "burned" which in this digital age means that the coding keys go bad/old/non-valid. Booooring. I want to see the film burn, if something has to be the problem. I guess Annabel died. And maybe Enoch survided.
Watching Drive tonight set me on a familiar, excited festive mood. I was really tense and bouncy after the film. And aroused from watching Ryan Gosling, and all dreamy and familiar from all the music and slow motion (have to get the soundtrack!). A good film. I just might have to watch it again sometime.
So I wonder what kind of dreams I'll see tonight. I think none, since I have to get some serious sleep before tomorrow. Now it's 2.10 and I can in fact feel my eyes closing. That's a good sign.
Thanks to Mr A.K. for this nighty night music.
I wasn't surprised that after an exercise on Wednesday, the sleep didn't come that quickly. But it wasn't bad, managed to get some 6-7 hours of sleep nevertheless. Thursday was "rough" on a film watching side: saw three films - and none of them was bad! [Pina, Poliss & La piel que habito] I guess that and the fact that I haven't watched that many films sort of contributed to the restlesness that didn't give me more than 5 hours of sleep at the most. But it's ok, because watching films is like watching Dreams most of the time. And like Dreams, they are either good or bad, nice or uncomfortable. From Monday to Wednesday all my Dreams were both exciting and very uncomfortable. They started good, but ended at me being in trouble. Just like the best of films.
Today felt bad from the start and I was crumpy from the lack of sleeping. That's not news though, but I felt bad for the people I had to deal with anyway. Saw Gus Van Sant's Restless after midday - except the end, because the film "burned" which in this digital age means that the coding keys go bad/old/non-valid. Booooring. I want to see the film burn, if something has to be the problem. I guess Annabel died. And maybe Enoch survided.
Watching Drive tonight set me on a familiar, excited festive mood. I was really tense and bouncy after the film. And aroused from watching Ryan Gosling, and all dreamy and familiar from all the music and slow motion (have to get the soundtrack!). A good film. I just might have to watch it again sometime.
So I wonder what kind of dreams I'll see tonight. I think none, since I have to get some serious sleep before tomorrow. Now it's 2.10 and I can in fact feel my eyes closing. That's a good sign.
Thanks to Mr A.K. for this nighty night music.
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
How can it feel so good
Last night was just wonderful. Slept from around 21.30 until 6.30, when I woke up without the alarm. That's nine hours, with Dreams. Just... great! I need to do the same tonight, because tomorrow there's a pile of work to be done, and *gulp* three films to watch. Also somebody said something about the opening party. Not sure if I'm up to that, but festival festival!
And no, didn't see those film previews today, but did go to indoor cycling. Felt a bit weird and too easy after all the daily biking I've done during the summer, but in the end I actually broke the sweat. Hura. Next time something else - kettle bell?
And no, didn't see those film previews today, but did go to indoor cycling. Felt a bit weird and too easy after all the daily biking I've done during the summer, but in the end I actually broke the sweat. Hura. Next time something else - kettle bell?
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Back to [ ] 1?
Sorry to be so boring already, but this is how this blog is going to be: a record of my sleeping and things that seem to effect it's quality, length and such, nothing more, nothing less.
Last night was awful. As I got home before 20h I had already decided that I have to be tired enough to sleep without melatonin. How wrong I was. I realised already by 23h that the night won't be a picnic in the park, but in that point there was no point taking the pill anymore. Turned off the tv at midnight and tossed and turned in my bed until 2.30. I guess I fell asleep by three o'clock and had generous 4 hours of sleep after putting the alarm ahead for one hour more. Not that it had made a difference: 3 or 4 hours, same difference.
I'm surprised I survived the deadline day this well and managed to stay at work the solid 8,5 hours. I sneaked out 17.30 and took care of some things and almost by accident walked home. That was probably the best idea I've had for a while. I haven't exactly had the danger of catching a fresh air poisoning in the past week.
But now the magazine #10/2011 is in the print and I'm getting ready to watch some films. Love & Anarchy (or the Helsinki Film Festival, as they like to call it) won't start until Thursday, but I have to take a look at one press preview tomorrow. Or two. We'll see. And then gym. Can't wait that either! It's been too long.
But first: 3 grams of melatonin, genmaicha tea and sleep.
Last night was awful. As I got home before 20h I had already decided that I have to be tired enough to sleep without melatonin. How wrong I was. I realised already by 23h that the night won't be a picnic in the park, but in that point there was no point taking the pill anymore. Turned off the tv at midnight and tossed and turned in my bed until 2.30. I guess I fell asleep by three o'clock and had generous 4 hours of sleep after putting the alarm ahead for one hour more. Not that it had made a difference: 3 or 4 hours, same difference.
I'm surprised I survived the deadline day this well and managed to stay at work the solid 8,5 hours. I sneaked out 17.30 and took care of some things and almost by accident walked home. That was probably the best idea I've had for a while. I haven't exactly had the danger of catching a fresh air poisoning in the past week.
But now the magazine #10/2011 is in the print and I'm getting ready to watch some films. Love & Anarchy (or the Helsinki Film Festival, as they like to call it) won't start until Thursday, but I have to take a look at one press preview tomorrow. Or two. We'll see. And then gym. Can't wait that either! It's been too long.
But first: 3 grams of melatonin, genmaicha tea and sleep.
Monday, September 12, 2011
End of the week partying
Partying certainly screws up my sleeping. It didn't used to and people still keep giving me the "what, you can't a sleep after two glasses of wine?" attitude. But in 33 years things apparently have changed. No, I can't get a decent sleep after two glasses of wine (even though more often it's two beers aka Coronas). So I was surprised last Thursday, when I came home at midnight and pretty much died to my bed after three times two glasses of wine. Of course the problems are there next day. Despite of past night's activities going to work at 9h means that you'll be a zombie rest of the day. It didn't help that this time the zombie worked until 20h. It wasn't as bad as it sounds (although I haven't spoken to my head editor about the quality yet), but as I biked home and went to get a take-away pizza (that's like first time in...two years?), I could have rolled over right there at the Round House of Hakaniemi and closed my eyes. Luckily I had enough energy to go home and happily ignored all the invites for Friday beer (or two).
I slept for 11,5 hours, and as I woke up on Saturday at 10h 30, I could have slept a lot more. No dreams, nothing, just a blissful, time-depriving sleep. I was going to continue the activity, but then I figured the coming night's DJ gig won't last that long and I get to go home back to my bed a midnight at the latest.
Little did I know that I'd actually meet people who are fun and smart and wonderful and who liked to stay in the nightclub-nobody-had-been-before until the end. I was quite stressed and excited about the gig itself and didn't even notice that I gulped down four glasses of sparkly wine while playing the music. And I won't start thinking how many GT's went down in the club. I was ready to go home around 2 a.m. but then somebody came talking and we went to get another one and... Well, I had certainly missed my last tram. Even the last call didn't save me. I won't get any deeper into the events that followed since this is not a gossip blog, but the bed wasn't completely mine until 6.30 a.m.
The strange thing was that I only slept for a few hours, three at the most. I was already shopping for morning coffee milk at 10.30. The tiredness after all excitement didn't get to me before afternoon, when I took a short nap of one hour and then just tried to stay up until the weekly portion of Poirot was over. I barely managed it. And I have to admit it: I took one melatonin pill 19h30, just to be safe.
Wonder how long I can work today. It's a deadline week and we're trying to get everything done my tomorrow. And then begins the Love & Anarchy... Oh my.
I slept for 11,5 hours, and as I woke up on Saturday at 10h 30, I could have slept a lot more. No dreams, nothing, just a blissful, time-depriving sleep. I was going to continue the activity, but then I figured the coming night's DJ gig won't last that long and I get to go home back to my bed a midnight at the latest.
Little did I know that I'd actually meet people who are fun and smart and wonderful and who liked to stay in the nightclub-nobody-had-been-before until the end. I was quite stressed and excited about the gig itself and didn't even notice that I gulped down four glasses of sparkly wine while playing the music. And I won't start thinking how many GT's went down in the club. I was ready to go home around 2 a.m. but then somebody came talking and we went to get another one and... Well, I had certainly missed my last tram. Even the last call didn't save me. I won't get any deeper into the events that followed since this is not a gossip blog, but the bed wasn't completely mine until 6.30 a.m.
The strange thing was that I only slept for a few hours, three at the most. I was already shopping for morning coffee milk at 10.30. The tiredness after all excitement didn't get to me before afternoon, when I took a short nap of one hour and then just tried to stay up until the weekly portion of Poirot was over. I barely managed it. And I have to admit it: I took one melatonin pill 19h30, just to be safe.
Wonder how long I can work today. It's a deadline week and we're trying to get everything done my tomorrow. And then begins the Love & Anarchy... Oh my.
Thursday, September 8, 2011
The only solid block of sleep the whole week?
Slept solid 7 hours last night, no breaks, but no dreams either. Didn't take anything in except ate dinner around 21h. Maybe that's the key.
Tonight there'll be a social function where I try not to get completely waisted. So, my best behaviour, here goes...
Tonight there'll be a social function where I try not to get completely waisted. So, my best behaviour, here goes...
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Some (bad) habits and the dreams
It seems to me that it doesn't matter if I do sports or exercise during the day (usually in the evening), the sleep doesn't come more easily. Of course there's the "two hour rule" for everybody, but for me there's a zero effect. I feel pretty much the same. Not that sports is the topic of the day, because I haven't had time for any exercise in the past month. Today I spend 10h 45 minutes at work. Add travel by tram there and back again, and you have a 12 hour day right there. Add 1,5 hours in the morning for the regular morning stuff, and you have 10,5 hours left. For sleeping?
It doesn't go like that. I've never been a person who can "let go of the day" very easily. I need time to do some random stuff or do nothing like watching tv and fooling around in the net. And I tend to spend a lot of that time thinking. Just, thinking. Which again is really bad for sleep.
Last week I was so happy that I got the dreams back. Very vivid images and experiences, just like before. Adding to my happiness was that I had to take in the melatonin (3 g) from Monday to Thursday, and still I had the dreams. Before there's been some, but not as coherent. Good or bad, I have no idea, but it's good I don't have to compromise between sleep and dreams anymore. That's just cruel.
It doesn't go like that. I've never been a person who can "let go of the day" very easily. I need time to do some random stuff or do nothing like watching tv and fooling around in the net. And I tend to spend a lot of that time thinking. Just, thinking. Which again is really bad for sleep.
Last week I was so happy that I got the dreams back. Very vivid images and experiences, just like before. Adding to my happiness was that I had to take in the melatonin (3 g) from Monday to Thursday, and still I had the dreams. Before there's been some, but not as coherent. Good or bad, I have no idea, but it's good I don't have to compromise between sleep and dreams anymore. That's just cruel.
Why of sleeping
I can not remember exactly when my life began to revolve around sleeping. Dreams have been essential part of my everyday life and experiences since I was a child (or "when I was born"), but sleeping - I never really thought of that as a thing. As a problem.
This written netlog is written mainly for myself. I need to record the fleeting thoughts and feelings I have about sleeping somewhere. I might as well do it publicly. If somebody shares my experience, please comment and discuss. I think I'm not the only one having problems or these abnormal experiences with sleeping. And I think we are all in the verge of a bigger cultural phenomenon here.
Last night I slept without melatonin after two nights of taking the help in. Had problems with falling to sleep, but didn't really wake up until morning. Feeling very tired and heavy-headed. But I'm happy that the dreams are back.
This written netlog is written mainly for myself. I need to record the fleeting thoughts and feelings I have about sleeping somewhere. I might as well do it publicly. If somebody shares my experience, please comment and discuss. I think I'm not the only one having problems or these abnormal experiences with sleeping. And I think we are all in the verge of a bigger cultural phenomenon here.
Last night I slept without melatonin after two nights of taking the help in. Had problems with falling to sleep, but didn't really wake up until morning. Feeling very tired and heavy-headed. But I'm happy that the dreams are back.
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